As ye sit in ye chair and wonder what has done transpired in tha last couple weeks I done wonder why we done have an illiteracy problem. So with those words bae'n passed, I've a couple o' things ta convey ta ye lads and lasses.

On thar day o' Tyr a two weeks past, I done attended tha parley o' tha faculty senate. Tha press'n issues that I done presented ta tha mateys bae about our increase in tuition and fees, tha quality o' advisin' and tha stand'n o' tha university Ross Turnmire bae look'n at. Tha faculty done expressed a great concern about all o' these issues. Mayhaps tha most frightn'n epiphany I done had bae that we have tha same concerns and issues at hand. If we done worked with them we could accomplish more than we've in tha past. Thus this eve' we done bae liste'n ta matey Bob Bruck. A united fight of tha students and faculty against tha budget cuts our university done takes would bae most impressive, a collaboration o' tha 16 UNC schools would done blow me down.

Tha day o' Woden two weeks past at thar Chancellor's Liason tha students done gave a presentation ta soon ta bae president o' tha UNC system Erskine Bowles. How did that go ye ask? Well we done presented on Award Winning student organizations, tha efforts for tha gail storm Katrina, port buildin' in Sri Lanka, tha many different types of mateys on tha campus, and research opportunities. On top o' that we expressed our opinions on some issues flouder'n around and it done blew me down ta have Admiral Bowles respond. He proclaimed ta bae a supporter o' tha student vote on tha board o' governors, ta bae will'n ta look at a book rental program on tha campus ta save us mateys our doubloons, ta bae will'n ta look at a four or five year tuition guarantee, and his desire ta bae tha champion for tha UNC schools. Mayhaps tha most impressive offer that done been offered was that if there bae any rules that are outdated or very troublesome ta let him know and he will look into fixing them. This bae an offere we can not falter on. So this gives us tha task o looking at tha regulations from tha board o' governors and that done dictate tha whole UNC system and seeing if any need ta bae fixed. We bae not looking at trivial rules for just this one campus like thar park'n spaces bae too narrow or people done have qualms with tha visitation policies. We need ta look at tha broader scheme o' things, talk ta ye mateys in ye colleges and find tha rules that bae a burden, now bae a good time ta advocate a change.

Then we went on ta discuss in tha meet'n once tha chancellor and Admiral Bowles had departed tha issues o' tha audit on our admission practices in relation ta where a matey done hail from and what color they seems ta bae. There done bae a good feel'n in tha liaison meet'n that tha students here welcome and enjoy tha many different mateys on tha campus. Thus I done suggest we again talks ta our companions and find their feeln's on tha issue and then voice tha opinions o' tha students.

Another issue done aris'n is tha condition and cost o' East King Village. They done seem ta bae in sub par environments at a price they feel bae too high. I bae hop'n talks between tha lads and lasses in tha village can meet with tha administrators and get their issues resolved with out an armed conflict. But if nots I done expect ta see more cannon balls fly'n.

On tha day o' Thor two weeks past thar board o' trustees done convened. Baefore we done stepped inta individual committees we done received a presentation on tha construction that has done been preformed on tha campus and where we stand on tha 2000 bond. We then heard tha presentations on Tutition and fees as a whole. At this meet time I done gave tha minority report and advocated tha $175 doubloon increase ye done proposed. Tha fees issues were then heard. We moved inta tha individual meetn's I done bae in tha finance, tha minutes if ye wish I'll done gets for ye lads when they bae approved. Next bae tha campus and student affairs where we done discussed at length tha tuition and fees increases and thank all ye who done came and spoke ye part!

On tha day o' Frige we done had tha last o tha meetn's and tha votes. Thoes o' ye who came on this morn thank ye much. Ye mighty chain o' 5500 signatures was held in awe by many in attendance. And on a side note it was worried ye would capture Wendell Murphy, bind him in tha chains and throw him ta tha river, but tha way it was presented was respected not only here but at thar sissy blue school. Tha general consensus bae that ta combat tha tuition increases will bae ta get tha general assembly ta fund us. As for tha last 16 years we done taken 22% cuts ta our budget. This bae why we must pay more and tha quality done keep decreasing and tha administration has ta do all it can ta keep us afloat. When tha next budget for tha state bae up for debate a 16 school chain o' 4 miles would done make a strong statement. All tha same mateys if we do not start fight'n this plague where it done begin the tuition will continue ta eat our coffers.

There done bae a national campaign ta make our tomes affordable (maketextbooksaffordable.com) that we done needs ta participate in. It done seem more and more people bae gett'n their plunder from our pockets and tha producers o' our tomes just bae another greedy lot.

Thar budget reconciliation bae underway. On tha 7th o' December we done bae call'n our legislatures from 11 in tha morn ta 2 in tha afternoon ta protest tha budget cut for financial aid. On top o' that we'll done feed ye mateys as well.

Tha thank ye letters from tha mateys at this ere school ta legislatures done went quite swell. Thank ye matey Bobby Mills quites a bit. Out o' tha UNC schools we done came in 3rd place, not a bad show'n.

I done haves me a meet'n on tha 12th with Matey Lee Fowler and Matey Bobby Purcell abouts them help'n fund tha Red Terror. As ye all should recall it looks ta done cost us 7500 doubloons ta run all tha football games and thar basketball games and transportation will done bae organiz'n it, we just bae fund'n it.

Unfortunately Jason Moody has been fired.

With that said I done hopes ye all haves a wonderful holiday season, avoid bee'n eaten by sea creatures and octopi.

-The Pirate Captain