Quotes from here, there and everywhere. But mostly us.
It's like East Palestine, Ohio in here. - Nick
Guten Morgen
Analgestic - not to be confused with analgesic, but similar to majestic, like a unicorn covered in butt-holes.
ha ha hi hu
I spent the last 10 minutes of work drawing stick figure erotica...
He does a lot of weird things. If he's not already in a hole, he'll dig one. -Banker
Hand to hand combat is the best way to stay fit - Dr. Scott Turn
We're here to pimp your IDE!
It's like a zombie town...
Sit. Down. Stomp Foot.
That is the densest basil plant I've ever seen. It didn't get a single one of my jokes.
Everything is okay in moderation - except radiation.
"The garmin fenix is great, it records my stats all day long. It's always watching."
If I had a glove I'd catch with it - not throw. - Eric M. Hamilton
Your paperback book is available in the Amazon store! - Amazon
He was just shoveling snow while watching men's volley ball projected on his garage door and wearing his wife's underware. I guess its good he moved into that neighborhood, they seem to be understanding.
The only way the only way to win is to learn faster than anyone else.
Ey, My name is JISON.
Business logic is harder than logic logic. - Diego
"Yes." - Alicia
"Oh fancy hands you. Happy person, thats why." - Cleaning Lady
That is a complete turn off. - Dave.
Fine then, I'll draw a real unicorn, it'll be a magnificent stag, with one horn.
While you're on Machu Picchu could you take a picture of a wrestling Pikachu? A Maccu Pichu Macho Pikachu? - Richard
Its like instlling a hose into your house that sprays pennies. - v2
"Thats the thing about patience, you gotta get comfortable." - Scott
I think this blind fold was made for divas... They must have flatter faces. - dean
And he was making pancakes... Bastard. -Anna
And that's how you get toothpaste in your sinuses.
Two stoves...
This is Richard 100X, 100%, 100% of the time!
I used to grow this pretty little plant. But then the police took it away. -Liz
Go Winter!
Defend Hawaii...Kai.
"Did you buy that because it has the word 'gina' in it?" - Jeff in reference to my Orangina.
Consummate with the Constable!
They call him "Old Mumbles One Time."
Winter is... something something... Line?
"Its not a lack of faith, its a foreknowledge of your failure."
"Two wishes, huh? I wish I could speak German, and I wish I hadn't wished that." - Richard
If they're willing to eat themselves to death on spaghetti - let them die. - Toddimus
Son, I figure you're look'n to be defenestrated.
One does not simply walk over the reef. Its a labyrinth of razor sharp rocks.
I'll be surprised if it gets linked anywhere. Its a dead rapper and a canceled tv show." - Toddimus
"More important than Michael Jordan."
"That's not how you use that son." -John Thompson
"She was boobs everywhere." -Clementine
"Well, I guess staples are pretty self adhering." - Peter
"Today I did my laundry... and got that moth out of my bed." - Jeff
"He is very husky." - SomeAaronKid
"It's like negative Kelvin out here." -Rye
"... Changing into a radioactive spider. Fk you science." - Channing Tatum - '21 Jump Street'
"Baking anything. My mother would be proud." -Melissa.
'Just because you built something does not mean you designed it. You're going to need to measure something.' - Scott
"It reeks of ginger in here..." - Jeff
"One piece of cake did not seem like a healthy dinner. So I ate four."
"I work so I don't have to steal." - Dean
"My eyes look like boobs." -Katie
"It was romantic, but it was sandy." - Dean
"Seriously we're all just chill'n. Do you really have to dress up like you're going to the gay bar?" -Jeff
What the hell did the nut say?
"Better bring your baskets!" - Slippas
Where was I even at, WWE? - Pastor Nick
"Hey! My dream came true!" -Kitan
"I wish I had some good play on my local diction." - Josh
Blowing out each other's marshmellows is not homo. -Jarret
Well it could be worse. Wait. I can make this worse!
I think I know what he looks like... -Kitan
I imagine that they were both boiled alive, together, and in love. - V2
"Sweety, No..." -Lilly
I will graciously accept defeat, but I will not give up.
Bigger HUG! Bigger HUG! -Group Taunt
Actually I'm a professional at putting very large things in small... -Me to Dean's Mother...
I could have played safe, but in the end the journey's broad joys out weigh the pains. "Journey of the Maji" -Frank Turner
That was the greatest thing to walk in to. - Erika
"I'd rather have a dead son than a mullet son." -Wendy
"Hey these are not even the right 3 flavors!" - Other Todd
"Phew, that marine really wore me out." -Riedl
"Yea, when I moved to Hawai'i I lost all my snowboarding sponsors." -Timmerman
"And if music was the food of love then I'd be a fat romantic slob." Frank Turner - "Substitute"
"If I don't calibrate the grill properly, it tends to spill a lot of hot coals while its flying around." - KC
Acutally I just killed Aqua Man. Super Villan? Check.
"That's what you say every night." - Perrin
"He likes to cut things when he drinks." - KC
"I should slap you with my pizza." - Toddimus
I wish I owned perfectally calibrated socks. I've decided that a throne of lies is most likely physically made up of dollar bills.
"Oh, like you've never seen a penguin wearing a cuttlefish hat before?" - Ursula Vernon
"It looks like fun, but feels like 5 hours of sitting in a chair." - Bucket Man
"And you're getting your masters degree..." - Toddimus
"I figured I spent one hundred thousand dollars on my education, I should be able to build a clock." - David
"Its easiest with your torso and head on a matress and your butt up in the air." - Kevin
Henceforth we will use a blast shield.
"That's all I'm asking for." -Cannibal The Musical
We're looking for a +2 to all skills staff. -V2
"Yea Twirls" - Garret
"No no, the wind is good." - Tori
"If you were thinking 'oh shit oh shit oh shit a swordfish is going to stab me in the face, then yes, we were thinking the same thing." - Get Smart
"What do they see in you?!" -Todd
"Oh this is the cutest thing ever... wait... this is the worst thing ever! My keys are in her head!" - Meggie
Speed 4: Fuel Economy
"I'd rather not lose one chick, than have ten more new ones swooning after me." - Mr. Josh Morgan
Defeat tastes like slow and poor timing.
"I need this old train to breakdown." - Jack Johnson - Breakdown
"I think it would drastically change the way I think about God if he gave me mutant powers" - Larry THE Spiderman
Finding reason is a matter of opening your eyes.
"In the end, its all a question of heart." Bouncing Souls - Kids and Heroes
"If its ever going to get any better, its gotta get worse for a day" - Bishop Allen - Rain
"And I, I am a passenger tonite." -Bishop Allen - Chinatown Bus
"It's a bunny!" - Lizzy
You gotta burn them b!tches! -Daniel-le
I don't even know a gardener. -Me
No quote, bears ate by brain.
Armed with this small butterfly net. - Bishop Allen
Sometimes choices are only hard for a second.
"All sitcoms are good for is killing one brain cell after the other." - Dr. Stien
Whisper words of wisdom - Beatles
"Stay near the trees"
"Its like the batmobile with a McDonald's inside" - MC Chris - Blastic
"I dont know what to say, what to throw, what to do..." -Dr. Tran
"...that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death." -Socrates
"I think that there's some great things that I'd like to do, that-that maybe I'm capable of, hopefully." - Owen Wilson - Wedding Crashers
I'll fly away in the morning.
That pig is looking mighty seductive... erm, delicious.
"Driving makes my hands tired." - Sherri
"Oh bear me away on your snow white wings, to my immortal home." - The Stanley Brothers
"If the water just moved it'd be like were jumping 15 feet into concrete." -Dane
"The Hardees star stole Koolaid Man's Face!" -Peter
"I use to run cross country so that I could stop. That was the best part, stopping." -Roger Callahan
"I'm a minority, I'm not obease" -Vance
"My name is not Gob!" - Gob
My friends are jumping off a bridge?!
ZAK: You're like my worst friend ever... why can't you be more like matt?
Kenn: You wanna get high?
ZAK: I meant like Whil.
Kenn: You wanna get that kid high?... Then kill his mom?
"Oh yea saulsbury steak sauce." - V2
Why has no one else seen the uncanny resemblance between Rudolf and Adolf?
The evil to profits ratio seems to be a little high.
"I know you will. You wear what ever you want." - Provost Nielsen
If you were a cowboy and you were dragging someoen behind you, and you looked back and they were reading a news paper i bet you'd be mad - daniel
"If I were coach I'd have 2 things on tickets! 1. Tackle and 2. Block Somebody" - Dr. Tran
"End is the only part of the word that I heard" - Cake - Friend is a four letter word
My dad voodoo'd me out of a coffie maker.
"If there were a Liv Tyler clone for every man there would be no more war" -Philihp
"You rub the card between your hands like this... then you kill all the white people" -Jeffery
"Inebitable! Things are inebitabely going to change!" - Team America
"That would belong to Louise" -NOFX - Louise
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. -Goethe
Remember what happened last time you started thinking, now you have a job... and responsibilities
Because God knows making the problem worse is the solution. -FroshKiller
Penguines can't fly!... Penguines can't fly!!
What the Flip... Kip?
Damg you weather.
It would be nice if things would turn out right.
Raging hormones are normal hormones that just want some love'n
Celebrate your birthday in your birthday suit.
Living vicariously through a duck
"Im just here to objectify as many people as possible" -Johnathon
"She probabily doesn't recognize you with your clothes on" - Vance
"Everything I told you was a lie." - Dr. Phumphrey (History)
"Everythings bad if you remember it" - Homer Simpson
"We got our ville so what else matters?" -NoFx - Mattersville
Turtles eat ducks
"Maby I'll remember you avfter I slaugher you" - Phumphrey
An expected immaturity disables a preceived regression, and enhances any progression.
Some times life is bad, like when you have to disassemble puppies with plyers.
kermit needs not rest, for he is the sex machine!
In loving memory of jimmy the lawn gnome: he burnded clean
"I need a brain wash" - NoFX
Hellas, Hellas
No my friend.
"My phone woke up at 5:30 this morning so my check could sign me."
"Can I have you instead?" - Girl #1
"I'd blind myself so I would'nt have to look at you" - Girl # 2
I'm glad I'm not that woman.
"I dont remember anything about you." -Bob
"Tell them Hetero" - Chris' spawner
"Put down the fork." - Ed
Technically its more like juggling chainsaws.
Don't take my dilusions, they're all I have.
"They're trapped in a cage with a monster that wont die!" -V2
"Reality is harder than math" - Rodriguez
"I saw that comming" -mom
Opening bands: less suck more rock.
Well then, You may have Anansi.
"You find very unique ways to find the wrong answer" - Dr. Orlando Hankins
"Only if you go to Mexico" - JLC
"My minds done gone to Californ" - Aerosmith "Baby please dont go"
"Something smells like a coosawatchie?!" - Bushy Haired Mexican
I like the cut of your jib
"So I thumped him, and he shattered" - Danielle's brother
"HAHAHA, you smurfed deborah!!" - Jeff
"5 minutes after I die... I'll still know it." - Rodriguez
Boobs... with a captial B
"Put the weapons down"
"I think I should start making my own oatmeal" - V2
at least we avoided the redneck rape shacks
"good whil... now children, never learn from whil." -Mack
"Filthy Rabbit, Tricks are for kids!" - Danielle
I think i could draw a naked woman out of animals
"It goes off to infinity and comes back on the other side" - C. Johnson
"Oh yea?! Well when we find you in real life we're gonna smash your mother with a hammer!"
"There was no orgy in Aladdin!" - Mom
"Mother Nature likes the status quoe" - C. Johnson
"You're the optimum of highschool graduates" -Brian
"Its like I can touch you!"
"I am Mary Poppins"
"Ahhh ROBOTS!"
Here we go!
My Grandmother thinks you're crazy, not me.
We're the renegades of funk.
"Don't be the Bunny" - Urinetown
"you know, you could mess up a wet dream" - Hart
"I'm too busy to be a rock star" - Erin
White kids love hip-hop.
"I believe the proper term is 'Vagina'" - Hamiltano
"I'd like to see you out one night, dressed up like a teenage porn star" - JLC
"you can look, but you cant touch" - JLC
"Did you redefine meat?" - Hamiltano
"If it's good enough for the Hulk, its good enough for me." Post-V2
"Keep fishin' if you know its true" -Weezer
Why not?
I say it shows how stupid it/you is.
"Kick his legs!" - Andi the Bear
Laughing, what a funny gerund.
I is be gone - Bad Grammar Girl
Remember there is NO running in the store
KoolAid burns! - Hamilitano
"I don't know, I've seen some pretty ugly people." - Hamilitano
Hardwood Stuffed Animals?
"I wish I were grass" - Hamiltano
"You're weird." is their way of saying I'm quicker than them.
"That picture is so wrong" -Everyone
"Dynamite is the only thing that seperates us from the piranhas" -Shaggy
"A friend who'll tease is better" placebo - pure morning
"Have you ever tried to work a hoe with one hand?" -V2
"Say 'What?' again! I dare you!" - Pulp Fiction
"You still dont get the jist?" -Fett's Vett
"Making good decisions is easy, When you haven't got a choice" - Bishop Allen - Coupla Easy Things
we need our sacks...
Must kick...
"Go on baby, get the lighter, we gonna start the fire" - No Doubt - Start the Fire
When you look back on the day, and all you can do is smile, it was a good day.
"Sleep When you are dead!" -Sam
What the... it smells like burning rubber bands? HOLY SHIT MY BRAIN IS ON FIRE!
That boy needs therapy
y asereje ja de je dejebe tube jerebe seiunouba majabi an de bugi de buididipi
"I dont care about spots on my apples, leave me the birds and the bees" Counting Crows - Big Yellow Taxi
Pa Ja Ma Su?
"2d space i know its strange" - jeorge
"when you wield the knife, learn to carry the blame" -Bishop Allen
"-whispers- He's watching you... EVEN when your sleeping"
Its better to regret things that you have done, than to regret things you never did.
"And Fuck Jazz too!" -1900
"Laugh hard, its a long ways to the bank" - Modest Mouse - "Paper thin walls"
"Yea, remember when we were little girls and we went to thoes parties... yea, oh well"
"-whispers- Now you're one of us!" - Mack
"I've placed my dreams under your feet, tread lightly."
Dude that's awesome!
"Man lighten up!... I'll lighten u up, when I take out your kidneys!... got cha! no really" -MBFGW
"I think that we're lost again" -The Ataris
"Blatant... I don't know what it means, but I like it" -Cammie
"Structure... what big words we are using" -Cammie
"Who ever finds me should get a finders fee" Eminem - Run Rabbit Run
"A person that trys to carry a cat home by the tail will learn information that will always be useful." -Dr. Erickson - Mark Twain
"Wanna play with the Nazi? look he's saluting!" -V2 (yes that is SO wrong)
One more time, we have no shame
"If there were such a thing as manly gayness I only pray it doesn't come in hunks." -Bilam
"its 55% cotton... that means half of it will shrink" - Robbie
"Just need to give them a sensual massage with Kosher body oil and its all good" -Jew
Call yourself on your second line, when it rings you know its for you, and you'll feel important!
"No, shut up you guys!! you guys SUCK" -Me mocking Jew
If your hands are mirror images of each other... how can you pick up things?
Lazer Beams!
"Would you rather eat a horse... or your father?" -V2
"Its all about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Take away the drugs and you've got more time for ;)" - Aerosmith
"Who's favorite animal is a horse? I mean come on! they eat horses in China! Who the hell eats penguines?" -V2
"its broken. ALL THE PORN IS BROKEN" - Jeorge
Kick it to a funky beat.
Make the best of the time you have, you could be hit by a bus.
God its good to be alive.
"That was by far the most fun I've ever had in a single day" - Jew
"Stigmata is that disease where you get thoes holes in your hands, right?" - Bubblez
Always look where you're running
"I'm gonna go get me some teflon coated rubbers" - Mack
Like a Rabbit out of a Shot Gun!!
You can always change clothes in the parking lot.
"dance your cares away, worries for another day" -Fraggle Rock
"Pink it was love at first sight" -Aerosmith - Pink
"And if i heeber, what ever that means, im gonna be the man whos heebering to you" -Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - I would walk 500 miles
"Freud Freud, all along its true" -Offspring - Original Prankster
"jump back, jiggle your hips, and wiggle a bit" -Eminem - Without Me
"Go Go Girls, got no curls..." -Side Effect - King Kong
"always look on the bright side of life." - Monty Python
"Oh, but I want to walk on water with you." - Aerosmith - Walk On Water
"Dude, your in the year book!" -Asari
Don't sleep with fast girls.
"Show me the minutes" - Crazy Ajin
quickly, sensor them, take thier clothes!
"Man wong has many names, sack thumper, dip stick, and "Andy" but no one uses that one." - Lunch
"Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't" - Polonius
I have no materials or resources, I do however have an idea.
"that was a little contradictory..." -Pyrena
"Whil's in the mafia!" - Zak
Actually he's kinda un-sexy - Lara
Dude, you look like a gangster!
"you can run, you can hide, but you can't escape my thugs" -Whil & Andi the bear
1ly4
"It coulda been kennie at the movie with a girl i suppose... ROFL"
Accepted, Confirmation to attend not received.
You can re-time the stop lights, but you cant stop time.
"i kan't believe u put that as ur quote!! :P" - Bubblez
"Gotta love the sweet taste of India" - Aerosmith
"dont forget the oompa loompas... child eating punks" -Whil
Shapadoinkle!
Thoes who have no desire to respect themselves are not qualified to receive respect from others. -TKD
If you're so busy protecting your children from life will they ever get to live?
"i think sean is a hobit" - Bubblez
"Haha, Dude! he'd be a ty-cicle!" -Lianus
"Are you still abnormal?" -Bubblez
How do you spell "Sesame Street"?
I'm normal, everyone else is weird
"No, not my gum drop buttons!" -Gingerbread Man
"Oh, nothings gonna change my world" -The Beatle s
"Autumn in cashemere, all orange and green" - Aerosmith
When I close my eyes, you take me away to paradise
"Dude! You got kissed.... BY A DUDE!"
"im gona name my first kid "Sextus Piavis Houlbrooke" what a l33t name" -Brit
"i'm glad ur not 7'2" Bubblez "always remember you're unique....just like everyone else" -Bubblez
"they EAT children!" -me (refering to oompa loompas)
"she said, son, if you dont make some noise, God will never know your there" -Bishop Allen - Things are what you make of um
"some people require 10 beers and peer pressure to do what you do when you have a couple friends and a digital camera" - Short Man
"Music is drugs" -Other Peter
"Mom, we need a bottle of Jack Daniels" -Democrat
Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch your body. -Limp Bizkit
There is no reason you should'nt be happy.
"When your riding a delusion your going to fall pretty hard" -Bennet
"well its all right, some times you got to be strong, well its all right, as long as you got someone to lay, well its all right, everything is just mm'kay" -Traveling Wilburies
"MARTIAL ARTS YOU THOUGH WERE BULLSHIT (BUT ARE QUITE REAL) -lists many- Tae-Bo: Our mistake. Tae-Bo is bullshit" -Playboy
I wonder, something is wrong, where is King Kong, the milky way is gone, an elephant calls on chineese radio. -Side Effect-King Kong
"Ninety percent of everything is crap. The other 10 percent is worth dying for" -Theodore Sturgeon
*mumbled sounding* "No, No! I said I have a little crank!... In my mouth... Erm NO!" -Nonicknameboy
"Whatever shall we do now?" "It's ok... God sent his angles to help us!" "Hmm... they seem a little obtuse." -Zass
If you sell your body for drugs, what will you have to do the drugs with?
How did the plane run out of gas?! it has almost enough fuel to make two trips... yea almost.
If pigs could fly, we'd just call them birds
'but don't let me get you down, be happy, if you think you accomplished something, then it's still an accomplishment for you! :)' -Mad'uin
"If you lick a toad your licking every other toad its ever been with" -Family Guy
"Nothing has been said that has been funny for 3 days." -Some old guy during the Plague in Europe (probabily)
"I'm gonna build an ego dispursion ray. Your third." -Kennie "I dont have an ego, I'm just the best" -Me
Don't you hate it when you fall asleep in class and have that dream where someone throws something at you then you wake up and dodge it?
If I had a two ducks for every time I said this, then was forced to say it for every duck I had I'd have a lot of ducks... yea... ducks are furry
Why Javis? You'll laugh harder
Why cant you just change a couple of words in the middle of a song and call it yours... I mean that would be so much easier than writing a whole new song, right? "She kicked me down the stairs, and pulled on my short hairs" -Whil
Some of your "art" projects start out as offensive, then religously offensive, then hate crime offensive... -Crazy Kenny
When birds poo on your car, right after you clean it, its just their way of saying nice car
I'm the real Whillie, yes im the real Whillie, all you other Whillies are just imitating, So someone named Whille please stand up, please stand up
Someone will think this is funny, and his name will be Tim
There is NO reason to upset a girl
For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong. -Mencken
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. -Mencken
The greatest excuse ever is "I'm Lost" -Philihp
I'm not as dumb as you look
It's hot as penis (hotter than 90 degrese F. with over 80% humidity)
You know the sad music at the end of the Hulk... Yea
