Aesthetic Voting - A Voting Guide for the Uninformed Student

Aesthetic Voting - A Voting Guide for the Uninformed Student

Ah, spring. The air is full of love, pollen, horny birds and student government elections. Lately, I've spent a lot of my time sitting on one of the last remaining green spots on campus, watching couples holding hands, listening to the birds sing, and pondering the upcoming election. Admittedly, I haven't delved into the candidates' platforms, and I'm fairly certain that never will. I'm sure, however, that most of the student body presidential hopefuls have the potential to be great. Thus in my political ignorance I've devised the ultimate voting strategy: voting aesthetically. Now some people will say, "Whil that's horrible," but mind you, I adhere to the principles of "if you don't have anything nice to say…" Plus, I'm a big fan of Delta Zeta. Adam Compton, I'm sorry, but I've got other candidates to look at.

Now, I don't know Josh Weeks, Mitch Danforth or Andre Iriarte from Adam's off ox. However, I do know what they look like, and to be fair, I'll consider all of them. I think I'd be comfortable with Josh Weeks as the student body president because he looks like me. Almost too much like me. He's like my clone with a different body and a different head, and I think he's wearing my sweater… On second thought he makes me a little uneasy and I want my sweater back.

Andre Iriarte plays tennis for the school, and though his Facebook pictures are fairly small, I'm sure that he could have given football play'n Glenn Moraven a run for his money. (Glenn you broke my heart when you dropped out of the election, just FYI.) With his Bolivian tan and long hair, I can see why people would vote for him if he had larger facebook pictures.

Mitch is another story. He's got some crazy hair, funny faces, and complete lack of Bolivian tan. Two of these three play importantly into voting aesthetically. However, he likes to wear a bandana on his head, and if there is one thing I've learned about bandana wearing people, it's that they have a tendency to steal boats, carry swords and talk in broken old English. If this is true, Mitch, I've got a place for you on my crew. Drop this lollygagging expedition and let's be about more important things! No, seriously, good luck.

Bobby Mills worked with me in student government, and I've known him since I met him at new student orientation. The first time he met me he said one day he would be student body president. I believe him. Bobby has a few things going for him beyond aesthetics, like more charisma than is human, a plethora of ideas, and a genuine interest in everybody. I must admit my bias here, and implore you to temper what I say with another viewpoint. In terms of voting aesthetically, I don't think he will be hurting for votes anytime soon. Consider his smile with quite possibly too many teeth, and completely symmetric face. On the other hand, the team of scientists following him around to collect his excess charm (in hopes of making everyone nicer someday) has always distracted me in his photographs.

Lastly, there is the lovely lady Kate Luckadoo. She's the only candidate I would ever date, run through fields of flowers, and dance with under the moonlight. A beautiful blue eyed brunette should have no problem taking this election home. Some people argue her parents are part of the administration and this some how makes her an enemy. Far from it! That's a major hurdle the other candidates will have to get over. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met, and pretty nice to look at too.

So maybe there is a little speck of bias in this article. Perhaps it's a little bit superficial. I'd say the same for every viewpoint I've read concerning the upcoming student body elections. One thing I do know for sure is that most of the candidates would make a great student body president. The administration has all the assistance in the world in place to make sure they succeed. Their success will come with time and determination, but good looks never hurt anybody. Who would you want to see at eight in the morning the second day of orientation? Who will be our next student body president is a hard choice to make, but I'm sure in your heart, if not your loins, you'll make the right choice. We all will.