The Pirate Captain
Student Body President

Captains Log

The Pirate Captain
The Scurvy Crew
The Plank
Captains Log
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Captains Log, Sea date bae April 20, 2006 Magic Missives Received: 62 or so I guess'
Tha end ta me term draws nigh! Tha end bae insight and I done bae alive, mutineers... not so much. They done bae alive but sandy land lubbers and that bae a fate worse than death. I've made my final acts of office and two done bae pertinant. We done bae at war with tha sissy blue school UNC-Chappel Hill, but nay thar pirates, they bae a good crew. And I done bae dat'n all tha lovely lasseys from tha Cheerlead'n and tha Dance Team. Why ye done ask? Baecause life bae good me matey. Me term done end on tha 28th and I'll done find a scribe ta update this har sight ta tha T baefore I go back ta tha wild blue... sea.

Captains Log, Sea date bae March 29, 2006 Magic Missives Received: 51
Tha impeachment goes on, but nay has tha time to come to fruition. In piratey fashion and in tha common sence o' sav'n me time I'll nay play inta this much. Tha only reason now would ta bae ta defend me name, The Pirate Captain... comes ta thinks o' it, it twould bae in piratey fashion ta disolve tha whole lot o' tha lillylivered land lubbers.

Captains Log, Sea date bae March 15, 2006 Magic Missives Received: boat load
So tommorow done bae tha meet'n with tha scrogs o' tha gov ops committee abouts me impeachment. 5 o' tha 8 fishmongers on tha committee twere mongers that done signed tha bill, I done wonder'd where tha "fair" bae in thar process, I done then realized who we done bae deal'n with. I done think this bae a waste o' time. It done bae a way for tha bilge rats ta trys ta make's me looks bad in peoples eyes, and it bae ta gets attention bacause it bae tha new campaign season, which brings its own odor. But none tha less I done gots me meet'n, and now six days past I done asked for descriptions o' what in tha world tha claims bae about and they nay sents me nay a response. Tha accusations done bae full o' vague points that in themselves bae lies. Now tha question o' how ta deal with bilgedrink'n clodhoppers done comes abouts. We'll done see what comes in tha breeze.

Captains Log, Sea date bae March 1, 2006 Magic Missives Received 41
Tha usual slew of filth magic missives has been replaced this day by pirate supporters! And thank all ye mateys who have done sent me encourag'n words, thank ye from tha bottom of me pirate, chum filled, bleed'n heart! Tha senate done conveeded this even and tha impeachment bill done went forward. 19 Senators done out right opposed it but tha 17 that done wish tha waste time kept tha 2/3 from send'n tha bill ta davey Jonses' Lokar! So now on it done goes ta Gov' ops where 5 o' tha 8 members done bae sign'n tha bill. Though I done appreciate matey Heath for his deeds and try'n ta keep tha ordeal fair. Worried bae I? Nay. And I've done received word from a scurvy crew across tha sea that bae up ta a beautiful no good.

Captains Log, Sea date bae February 27, 2006, Magic Missives Received: One too few
So tha scrogs in senate have done tried ta impeach mae. Thier reasons bae full o' chum and dead snails and they knows it. How this will end we will finds out soon. This does nay bode well for tha scrogs.

Captains Log, Sea date bae February 26, 2006, Magic Missives Received: Unknown
We've done returned from tha ACC Leadership conference in tha port o' Wake Forrest. Tha demon deacs have done put on quite a gather'n for us and twas quite swell. Me theory that all o' tha student body presidents bae miss'n as many marbles as this old salt continues on in good health. Some o' me delegats it done seems bae a bit mutinious and twer talk'n down abouts mae behind me back. Tha Mateys from tha other ships have done called them lillylivered barnacle eat'n flapjacks and expressed this ta mae. I bae try'n ta nay polish me plank for some quality walk'n but it grows harder.

Captains Log, Sea date bae February 20, 2006, Magic Missives Received: 42
Seven moons ago twas tha day for tha Student Governement ta picks up cans and doubloons ta help refill tha food banks tha bae dwindl'n. We done had 9 mateys, nay scrogs in tha senate say they'd done take part in tha plunde... erm, collect'n. Well me and tha Swabby done decided ta join tha lads and lasses, we gathered up our bags o' plu... erm, cans... and set sail ta tha arena. Much ta our chagrin there nay bae a lillylivered senator there. Yarg! This after they nay show up for call ins, write ins, even voting they nay show for tha Collection ta helps tha hungry. Now I've done not mentioned they nay showed for anythin' else, so this day in tha scrolls o' tha technician they done ran tha letter I done scribed about thier absence. And they blow a gasket in thier helms. Twas like drop'n bits o' barnacles down thier pantaloons and mak'n them roll around on tha deck whilst we threw chum at them. Speaking of which, I'll done remember that. But all tha same, they done throw more lopsided cannon balls at mae than a spanish juggernaught, then when I done says one thing they blow up. Well ye scrogs I'm tempted ta stand on tha bow o' me ship and laugh as ye takes ye trip ta davey jones' locker!

Captains Log, Sea date bae January 30, 2006. Magic Missives Received: 39
Thar last week has done been quites busy. Mission Mardi Gras can done bae held in tha mess hall o' Melvin's across from tha campus, mayhaps even in tha cellar o' tha bowl'n alley! On this here Wednesday we once again will bae call'n our mateys on Capital Hill ta tell them ta yell nay ta tha budget reconsiliation cutt'n BILLIONS from our coffers o' financial aid! Tis a sad tale indeed! I've done plundered me some booty but nay an amount end'n in nine zeros. I've done got a cat o' nine tails they can have thier time with instead! Tha tailgat'n on tha brickyard done drew more than a thousand mateys ta eat tha salamagundi twas prepaired by tha Student Government and thar Greek Fleet. The surveys bae bae'n looked at and studied, mayhaps when we learn ta read they twill bring us a mean'n. Tha next meet'n bae early in tha morn durn' me class o' draft'n, I nay bae a happy captain abouts this. Thar mateys Bilgemunky and Cap'n Slappy have done sent me tha rave reviews o' what twill bae in our pirate story and tha wanted flyers will bae made... mayhaps tommorow eve. All tha same Matey Bradley done said we've got our university media ta put forth our competition. This comm'n Friday I done have a meet'n in tha morn with matey Fowler about tha Red Fleet o' Terror. Mayhaps we will have our doubloons, tha Lord knows transportation nay have it. Speakin' o' which tha mateys in transportation have lost thier park'n fines, thus me spot ta dock me land boat twill bae worth more than me land boat here shortly. So... We bae talk'n ta 680 tha Buzz about this in tha comm'n days. Tha legislation about tha cost o' our books has done been passed and mayhaps someone will take tha lead and contact tha media in and around tha port ta have this publicized. If nots another project for me crew!

Captains Log, Sea date bae January 24, 2006. Magic Missives Received: countless, numbers beyond me digits
Time away from port twas swell. I done gots me new pants, shirts, and me "blackbeard's hat." Twas a swell ordeal. Back ta me plans at port 14 moons past thar begin'n. We bae do'n a "voter registration" I likes ta think of it as me inventory o' tha crew. Thar Jack o' Service bae miss'n, its a bad ordeal as we wants ta move ahead with Mission: mardi gras. Thar vessels o' tha red terror meet'n bae soon as tha schedules nay conflict. There bae an issue at hand o' talegat'n and tha bann'n o' tha grog! Twill see how this done progresses. Matey McCaw bae all abouts tha WSI and a tournament upon tha silver screen bae in tha winds, along with thar new shirts for tha initiative. Jack o' mates bae back in tha boat, a lack o' me yell'n kept em adrift for a bit but seems this may bae fixed and tha crew bae back on deck. Thar Judicial board done try'd ta succeed from our ranks. As tha democratic process on tha issue done failed negotiaions have begun, at tha crack o' dawn. Mayhaps tommorrow a resolution twill bae in tha wind baetween tha crew and tha admirals o' tha port. And what o' tha scrogs in tha Senate, seems some o' them bae comm'n aboard, twill see, if nots twill bae ta tha hempmen's dance with them.

Captains Log, Sea date bae December 15, 2005. Magic Missives Received: unknown
Me time away from port has done commenced and it bae swell! Since me last scribing I've done attended thar graduation dinner at tha palce Prestonwood Country Club with tha boatswain, twas a splendid ordeal. At thar graduation tha follow'n day I done sat on tha stage by lassy Duncan and twas swell as well, many congratulations ta tha mateys that have done transcended our port, especially matey Zak, tha bonnie lass Sarin, Chelsea, Mari and many a lads and lasses I've not tha ink tha note! Twas a splended ordeal end'n with grits... cubed grits.

Captains Log, Sea date bae December 12, 2005. Magic Missives Received: 25
Upon this day I've one more exam ta transcend at 8 in tha morning next. Upon completion this semester will have passed and I will done bae a happy pirate with me telescope set on thar wintery palace for tha next 21 days. Besides this upon this day me operation ta use tha magic box ta ravage thoes in tha congress was reported upon by tha local daily scroll tha News & Observer. Some hows I done studied through a meet'n with matey Fowler and matey Purcell, lilly-livered scuttlebuts that shant happen again!

Captains Log, Sea date bae December 8, 2005. Magic Missives Received: 21
Tha day past we done had our call in ta our state representitives abouts tha budget reconsiliation, or as me likes ta call it plunder'n students coffers ta tha tune o' 13.4 Billion dollars. We had quite a good show'n, Matey Tim Simmons from thar N&O tha scroll abouts town done cames by. In days ta come we'll bae send'n out our editorial on tha subject. Finals done gone swell this day, tammorow fluids, I should excel.

Captains Log, Sea date bae December 1, 2005. Magic Missives Received: 32
Wonderful article this morn in tha scroll o' tha school, apperently I done hate students and do noth'n for them. In hind sight it done seems ta have been a bad idea to post pictures o' mae push'n students down flights o' stairs on, spit'n on everyone probabily bae a bad idea as well... but thats what we done do! YAR! Off tha plank they goes! The chained campaign for next year looks like it will done go swell! We done begin our writ'n tommorow on tha issue. Also at Campus Crusade for Christ I done was tha 1st day o' Christmas! And gots ta meet a swell Matey Pete, twas a... jolly? time!

Captains Log, Sea date bae November 30, 2005. Magic Missives Received: 28
Tha rains have ceased and tha birds have done returned... along with leaves on trees as we come ta tha month o' December, somthing bae amiss. Tha meeting bae on with Lee Fowler and Bobby Purcell on tha 12th o' December ta inquire about thar Red Terror. Scallywag done bae try'n ta look at tha magic code that done makes tha voting system works at this here port ta check for how secure and confedential tha data bae. Scrogg Fabricous nay wants ta give him tha code, pourquoi? The tailgating taskforce done had its first convention, students thar bae mateys John Dramus, Adam Whitehouse, and meself, however mateys Amanda Lilly and Will tha Quick bae on tha committee as well. What did it look at ye ask. It done looks like we'll bae look'n at alcohol, in particular an alcohol free area o' park'n for ye land boats, permits ta get in ta cook early, "pass outs", generators, amplified sound, and just about all the polocies. Mind ye this bae tha first draft o' tha things ta consider.
This eve we done had tha last student senate meet'n o' this year. Mateys done addressed they nay know what me words mean in me missives... Mayhaps they bae hardheaded, in which case they know not I think o' them in such a way even after star'n at this here page. They also done asked for a list o' what I done have been do'n. So a list they done gets.

What bae I do'n at this moment besides me finals, plunder'n and fish'n? We see tha dawn'n o' tha protest ta tha general assembly ta provide funds for tha UNC system, tailgating taskforce, pushing make text books affordable (, Red Terror as a perminant feature, call in campaign to protest budget reconsiliation (December 7, 11am - 2pm 307 Witherspoon Cinema), joint effort letter on budget reconsiliation.
Now me lads and lasses back ta study'n.

Captains Log, Sea date bae November 29, 2005. Magic Missives Received: 31
Tha rains have now been fall'n for two days as we go towards tha end o' this semester. Nightwalk done took place a week ago and it was quite swell, though there bae a small turn out I done thinks it bae tha rain keep'n people in. On tha 13th o' December I bae meet'n with Matey Lee Fowler and Matey Bobby Purcell ta see if they will done help fund tha fleet o' tha red terror! There seems ta bae someth'n I bae forgett'n... but it bae time ta fish.

Captains Log, Sea date bae November 20, 2005
Tha crew done spoke ta mae a good point, if I done bae tha president o' a university I best learn ta write me words down. I thought this foolish and thus have henceforth hired a scribe. After a good month and a bits tha Tuition and Fee's battle done bae over. I done had ta stand in opposition ta tha tuition increase for it bae tak'n a senseless amount o' doubloons out o' me coffer. Tha fees on tha other foot... mine is lost at sea... I done thinks we came ta tha best compromise on tha terms at hand. Though I'd like ta see more funds go ta tha arts and less ta athletics fees I thinks it done bae tha best possible. Thar chain o' tha student senate was beautiful, just like tha one old' barnacle bill carried... well carried him ta Davey Jones' Locker har har! We done bae in need ta press tha General Assembly ta fund tha UNC system or else they bae pull'n all our belay'n pins out at tha same time and our riggn's comm'n down.


Me telecommunications bae sponsored by Suncom, they done gets it.

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